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This blog is dead

Its been apparent for a while I will no longer be updating this blog. The industrious among you will be able to get to the archives for a while. But this isn't the last you've heard from me. I'm starting a new blog soon. Link forth coming...

I miss...

...y'all know the rest...

To all that matter

Tomorrow I'm off to India. It should be quite interesting and I hope to meet lots of new people and see things that I've only been able to in my dreams.

Of course my flare for the dramatic has to show its head before I get on my long flight so, ahem, here it goes:

In case some horrible tragedy befalls me I would like to say to everyone who matters to me what an honor it was to know you. To all that do not matter I wish you the same. In life, most people stop to smell the trash instead of listening to the sweet music of existence. My belief is that no one should idle their time with thoughts of revenge or hate. Instead take the time to tell a friend you love them and truly mean it. Thank God, or whomever you attribute the creation of Earth to, for a beautiful day or even an ugly one. Hug your mom cause she brought you into this world.

What I'm saying is life is to short for petty grievances. Realize before you leave this planet that there is more to life than short term gain. Allow yourself to love and allow yourself to be loved. Your life will be much happier....

Ok, so I got a little deep. But instead of me writing a will (which would be way to dramatic for my silly fear of flying) I wanted to give you all something to remember me by if you may never see me again.

¡Hasta luego!

Mood

Jack is not a happy camper....

A new year

Hi. My name is Tsali and I am stressed out.

It's been a long and eventful month since my last post. I'm also pretty sure I've driven off what few regular readers I had with an intense amount of boredom without posts. Shoot me, I've been busy.

Where to begin. My weight has been going up and down like a see-saw with various diets and bouts of working out. Currently I have a nice balance of healthy food that equals out the guilt of eating at the Krispy Kreme in my neighborhood and sitting on my ass watching football.

Work has been its usual stress inducing self. Aside from having two positions at work they are sending me on the other side of the planet again this time Bombay, errr, Mumbai. It's going to be odd seeing people treat cows like pigeons but I've always wanted to go to that land.

Oh yes, me and Ces are {censored}. Sorry, can't go into detail quite yet. Don't want to jinx it but I'm quite happy about that particular development.

All in all the last month of 2004 was quite interesting. (Some of the things that didn't make the list: A new TV and cleaning my bedroom. Listing cleaning my bedroom might seem odd to some people but then I guess you really have to know me to understand what an accomplishment that was.)

So a new year dawns. I'm optimistic about it but hold back just a little. Life in the past has been known to give me some pretty rotten eggs. I'm for a batch of fresh ones....

Paperwork

I'm up to my ass in forms, but it's all worth it for the end result :)

philosophy

Do or do not. There is no try.

-Yoda

About myself:

I'm not perfect. I just lost my pride once and had to earn it back the hard way...

"I look around and all I see is shit I hate..."

Anyone who knows me personally can attest that I go on, at length, about my ancestory. And I don't fucking care what anyone thinks.

Ok, that's a bit harsh but it encompasses how I feel about the subject. As I have stated in previous posts in the life of this blog I am of many different ethnic backgrounds. My inside joke is my family is the "United Nations of Ethnicities". The two I speak most often of are my african and native american ancestors. Why? Well that requires a little backstory.

Africans in America as you know were forced here in slavery. Indentured servants with no hope of repeal and regarded as less than human for nearly 500 years. Pretty tough shit to deal with. But when you realize that the whole reason africans were brought here was because my native ancestors, the so called "Indians", refused to be slaves.

We fought for nearly 400 years. Historys untold story. In fact what people normally regard as the 'Indian Wars' in the wild west with cowboys and shit was the end of our struggle. The last vestigages of a once great society. Many lands have known the horror of the White mans burden but none more so than the nations now known as the Americas.

We aren't totally gone. We hover around, scattered amongst the wind and mostly known as 'Latino's'. The end however occurned 174 years ago in my homeland of Kituwah. After defeating the spanish (a feat no other nation was able to do until the Americans did) and creating the first democracy since the Greeks it's really quite depressing when you think of it. Our society was one that had nearly obtained enlightment and salvation as a collective before we were forced to fight for our survival.

Our seven clans were the chosen people of God in the new world. Like the Jews were cast to the wildnerness in search of a home after being thrown out of our own. Also like our hebrew breathern we weren't simple converted but hunted down and killed until our numbers were so small extiction was close.

We now number 7 million across the Earth but what is our fate?

Ghandi solidified his for the true Indians. Martin Luther King fought for humanity with the strength of God but mostly gave hope to a people with no home. Jose Rizal gave a fractured a common identity and the greatest gift of all: pride. But what of the people of Kituwah?

This is why I have such disdain for America and can not identify with people whom claim to be Christians in this country. It isn't that I don't believe in Jesus Christ or don't believe in the Constitution or have the upmost respect for all the good Americans have done for the world. Just spend a second and think of all the bad that Americans have done to get where they are now on the backs of others.

Legend tells us of the Ghost Dance. I hope it comes true. My ancestors deserve retribution and we will have it one day even if I have to take up the war cry myself and lead our people into battle.

Now I know what you are thinking. I assure you I am a pacifist. I could never kill another human being. My goal is to change their mind. To enlighten them of the true nature of God and how living life trying to obtain the mindset of a Bodhisathva is the only true way.

I ask the Creator for strength in this endeavor and hope I can see it's end....

Funny

*Disclaimer* This is NOT a indictment of Jesus Christ nor of the christian faith. It's purely political and....funny as hell.

Dreams...

...are the stuff of legend
...portals into our conscience
...truthfull
...fun

Rainy Day

I'm a very weird person. I like my sanmmiches(that's right, I said sammiches) without mayonnaise or mustard. No exception. At night, before I go to bed, I must have a cigarette, shower, teeth brushed and mouth wash in that exact order or I can not go to sleep.

Aside from my odd hygine and eating habits I have other personal likes that I want to talk about. For instance I love rainy days. I know, i won't even say it but to me it's the greatest of times. Especially in the late fall and winter when its cold out. Perfect hibernation weather and a good time to look back and reflect.

Today is one of those days and reflection is in order. The last year of my life has had its ups and downs but I regret nothing. And from the way things look its only going to get better...

Swimming with sorrow

"I drank to drown my pain, but the damned pain learned how to swim, and now I am overwhelmed by this decent and good behavior."

-Frida Kahlo

A new hope

So after a day of being depressed about the outcome of the election I had a epiphany last night. With that said this blog will change a little. The focus will turn to living underground, politically speaking, in this theocracy.

Facism is abound and now we must really watch what we say. The hope of a great liberal secular republic is lost for the time being and its up to us to see that it happens one day.

One thing is for sure, this ain't the country I grew up in anymore. This is the beginning of a long brutual ideological struggle....

The republic is lost

Kerry Concedes.

Bush is "elected" again

Good thing i'm looking to move overseas...

Spam

I know. I can't believe it either...

Home Now

I'm back from my jaunt to Manila. It was quite hard for me to leave. Not only do I love the city and people but my heart resides there. I'm still taking it all in since my trip was all so quick and eventfull.

Going back was a lot like returning home after a long time away at war or something. As I went around Makati I saw buildings and streets that held dear memories. Like the bar I got really drunk at or the restaurant where me and Ces had our last meal together in November last year (she didn't want to go in when we past another one on our last day together).

Back to this trip though. It was purely for my own enjoyment. No work envolved thank God. Quite honestly it was one of the best weeks of my life. I made new friends and reminsinced with old ones. Most importantly though I spent time with my lovey which was more wonderful than words can describe.

So a quick summary as promised:

Sunday, October 25th: I arrive in Manila after a 22 hour flight that include seat mates who didn't speak a lick of English and a mother and son who, by the way, kicked me. As I stepped off the plane I finally got to meet Ria whom I heard so much about and proved to be just as nice as described. I went threw immigration and got my bag quicker than I thought and got blasted by the natural furnace that is the PI. After walking a bit I saw her standing there. Beautiful as always I nearly collapsed at the sight of her. Is it true? Am I actually in the same city as my girlfriend? After a very long kiss and hug we got into the car. Anj drove us, who I also finally got to make the aqcuiantance of.

Back at the hotel I threw my bags down and was in a state of total bliss. I was no longer on the phone or texting or emailing. This was real up close and personal. I'm not ashamed to say there was a tear in my eye. What!? I'm a emotional person. The speakers go up in flames!!!!!

Monday, October 25th, Midnight: Gifts exchanged and hugs still going we were alone. Words cannot described how my heart felt. A permanent smile was on my face that could not be lifted by anything. The rest is censored but you can figure out for yourself what happens when you don't see the woman you love for 11 months ;)

Monday, October 25th thru October 27th: Make up time!!!!

Wednesday, October 27th: After a few days we finally leave our room. We eat dinner at Sugi which is by far my favorite restaurant in the world. We are joined by Tsok who I also haven't seen since last year and continue on to Absinth where we meet up with Ria and crew for a few drinks. Afterwards we go to the room where we watch Frida. Everyone enjoys it including myself even though its the thousandth time I've seen it. Everyone leaves except for Tsok who sleeps over.

Thursday, October 28th: We watch DVD's all afternoon and then skip out to the mall. The legendary "Search for the shoe" begins. At night we go out to a club and I finally meet Leo which I have heard so much about. Some stuff happens that I won't bring up but me and Leo have a great conversation about race relations and music and he proves to be just as cool as I heard. All is forgiven (those in the know know what I mean) and I let her know what my intentions are.

Friday, October 29th: More make up time ;) The "Search for the shoe" continues and get my phone fixed. Yay! Many picutres are taken and Ces looks so beautiful in all of them. Ats and O meet up with us at Bubba Gump and we go back to the room and chill with Portishead and green. It was great seeing my old friends again. We go out again but just for a bit. My dance steps aren't analyzed as closely.

Saturday, October 30th: The "Search for the shoe" ends without a final resolution. Oh well, anytime with my baby is good time spent. Emotions are running high but that's only because my days are numbered before I go home. At night we go to the Cream party. Good God! I've never seen so many people at an indoor party in my life. We spend a little time at the techno floor then after a quick smoke break outside we go to the R&B party. Of course we don't have an invite so when we go to the door the bouncer regonizes Ces and the dude throwing the party gives us the 'wassup' and we're let in. Skin color does have its advantages. We chill out in the room and have a good time. More less X-rated make up time. A conversation takes place between me and Ria (you're secret message is forth coming)

Sunday, October 31st: "The greatest day". We wake up earlier than normal and after a quick "make up session" we go out to the internet cafe. Then it was on to the salon for massages, the masseuses enjoyed themselves at the noise made :) . My lord, I haven't felt that good in years. My back no longer had that creeping pain that I've had since high school. We have dinner at Magnum which is my second favorite restaurant in Manila thanks to the atmosphere and countless number of bottles of wine on the wall (I'm going to steal the idea for the place and open my own one day). It was a melacholy scene tears mixed with laughs and onion breath. We get back to the hotel and the onion breath continues, but we have tons of fun and even a tickle session and wrestle. I think they spike our drinks.

After our final 'make up session' (which by the way I still have a smile from) we watch Annie Hall. She enjoys it as much as I do and see's our similarites. Here's a hint, I'm really a closet Jew.

Monday, November 1st: I leave for the airport. It was so fucking sad. I didn't want to go and tried looking for any excuse to go back home. Alas, rent is due and my job has this funny thing of me showing up in order to get paid. Go figure.

I finally get to see Ces's neighboorhood, it was nothing like I thought and oddly looked exactly like my parents neighborhood in New York. At 4am we arrived at the airport and spent 30 minutes saying good bye. What I would give for it to have been 31 minutes. After going in she waited outside and my last look at her was right before I checked in.

I felt empty after she left. It would be the last time I see her for an unkown amount of time. As lumbered through the terminal I got a call on my cell. It was her saying her last goodbye. Then the waterworks started, don't get the wrong idea though. Even though my eyes teared I wasn't sobbing. It was a manly cry. After getting through the last checkpoint I call her again, I just had to hear her voice one last time before I left. I was so tempted to leave the terminal and say fuck0ff to my responsiblities at home. My love is in Manila and should be there.

I, reluctantly, get on the plane and start my long voyage home. I was doubled over with pain. Nothing can quite describe the feeling of knowing you're leaving a place where someone resides who truely loves you to go to another where you'll be alone. I get on the plane...against my will.

Monday, November 1st EST, November 2nd MST: "The long trip home". I travel across God knows how many timezones and arrive in Atlanta 22 hours later. The entire time I was restless and could think of nothing else but getting back to Ces. The times I could sleep I thought nothing else but her and when I was awake I thought of nothing but her. I couldn't eat either, which provided a convient excuse to avoid airplane food.

Monday, November 1st 3pm EST: I step threw my apartment door. The place is empty, much like my heart. I call her and hear the the most beautiful sound I've heard in my life: Her voice.

All and all it was a good trip and do not regret anything at all good or bad. I got, for a week at least, to be a real couple 100% with the woman I love. It was if I had never left. I finally felt complete when I hugged her when I first saw her. Not to sound dramatic but its my belief every decision I've made in my adult life led up to meeting her and I thank God everyday that I did.

So now the focus shifts to finding a way to be with her on a more permenant basis. Suggestions and job offers are greatly welcomed in da comments.

To all that I saw on my trip here are a few special words from your sponsor:

Anj: Thank you for the ride(s) and gum. I owe you big time.

Leo: Next time you're in the states I'll see your show and we'll get drinks afterwards buddy.

Tsok: Lets start a bohemian revolution!

Ats and O: You guys are the greatest and all the luck to you two. It felt like old times seeing you again.

Ria: To continue our coversation on the couch my plans are the 'M' word. I'm really that quite, I only become a extrovert when I write. Thanks for being on my side. (P.S. this is your secret message, email me for a more in depth explation on what the 'M' word is.)

And to Ces: I love you dearly and will cherish our bond forever no matter what.....

Goodbye Atl

In about 6 hours my plane will be in the air and I'll off to the far side of the world. A little melodramatic I know but this situation warrants it. I finally get to see the mysterious 'her' again.

Yippie!!!!!!!!

See y'all in a week and a half!

I have a blog???

So you may have noticed the lack of posts for the last month and a half. I've kind of sorta explained it but I'll go ahead and clarify it now once and for all. The reason is two-fold. For the last two months I've been a pseudo trainer at work so I come home everyday exhuasted. Secondly I'm just plain blogged out.

Well not really, as you have seen I do manage to pop in every once in a while and drop a few lines. As you have also been able to gather I'm about to go on vacation in 14 days. I will be gone for a week without immediate access to a computer (the longest I've gone in about 10 years) so don't expect me to put up any posts then. I will however be keeping an old fashioned journal of my trip to jot down any details that should become hazy due to strong drink....